e_juliana: (endure)
Note: The Castro Safeway at 10:30 p.m. on Mother's Day is a freakin' wasteland. The lack of product is not quite Soviet-era, but close. I was there at that time because I had just gotten off a shift at Bertolucci's, wherein I had all of 5 tables and still made good money. Mother's Day dinners are much more profitable than Mother's Day brunches.

Anyway, I have my cart (with a squeaky wheel), I'm so tired I'm almost stumbling, and even though it's unbuttoned all the way to show the tank top underneath, I still have my uniform shirt on, which is covered in polenta and marinara. As I'm going down one aisle or another, this guy walks past me and makes eye contact with me, clearly noticing me. He's good-looking in a far-too clean-cut way for me, dark brown eyes, kind of slim, definitely an inch shorter than me. Whatever, I'm too busy trying to figure out where I know another shopper from - either from MN or Wells Fargo, can't remember, but that dude looks too bitchy for me to walk up to and say, "Seriously, I know you from somewhere." (I do tend to size up most people I see, trying to remember details.)

So I get to the extremely long, extremely understaffed checkout line, and there's a display with hardcover books for $5.99. Most of it's dreck, but one is an Elmore Leonard book. For 6 bucks, I will pick up a hardcover Elmore Leonard. So I put it in my cart, and dude who checked me out comes up behind me and asks about the book. He then proceeds to try to chat me up at intervals, complimenting my eyes, commenting on my cart's contents (overall healthy, except for the beer, which he teased me about), talking about the book, talking about the book he's reading which is a self-help about living in the present moment, and my favorite, saying that I looked pissed when he saw me in the aisle, and he liked the expression I had on now. Except for the eyes, because they're intimidating (or something). I am so exhausted that I just don't care to be speaking, and yet I feel I still have to talk to this dude, because a) polite and b) what if he got pissed that I blew him off? What danger would that put me in? And that got me pissed off - the fact that I have to put that factor in to the equation of social interactions.

Luckily, by that point, the extremely slow line had gotten me up to the checkstand, so I could buy my crap in peace and leave. I said goodbye to him, and then booked it to the truck, making double-extra sure to be aware of my surroundings in the parking lot.

Just, argh. I get that he was trying to live in the present/seize the moment and most likely presented no threat, but... Dude. And frankly, the most I expect out of the Castro Safeway at night is some bitchy insomniacs and random homeless dudes. Maybe some bikers from Lucky 13. But it also reminded me how differently men and women have to weigh social interactions, which is something I don't think men get very often.

So tired

Oct. 25th, 2006 10:21 am
e_juliana: (whoops)

Stayed up way too late the past two nights playing my new computer game - Pirates!. The game itself is not that great - the settings required to keep it from crashing also make the duel and dancing challenges run v e r y s l o w l y, and it's very white-male-oriented (I personally think it'd be fun to be able to play as a woman, and you rarely see crewmembers of any other color than "pale") - but it's a game, and it's new, so I have to play. M is threatening to get me a XBox, but I told him that I need an apartment that has space for a couch first.

Staying up late on Monday night was totally my fault - I knew what time it was, and I just didn't care. Last night, though, I meant to get to bed at a reasonable hour, but my clock conspired against me by being 2 hours late. Yes, I thought I was getting to bed at midnight when it was really 2 a.m. Oy.

So tired. I have my running gear with me so I can run at lunch if I feel so inclined, but I don't know if it'll be worth it or if I'll just drag my ass through. If I don't go running, I can leave at my usual time instead of a half-hour later, and then maybe get in a nap before my date tonight. Running or napping? Hmmmmm.
e_juliana: (calico jack)
Hi there. Spent all day yesterday miserable at work, crawled into bed when I got home at 5:30 and spent the night alternately shivering and sweating, not leaving my bed except for necessities like bathroom and food. Made into work today, promptly felt like I was going to pass out, tried to grit through it, gave up at 8:30 and tried to go to Urgent Care. The UC listed on my benefits handbook? Not open. The next closest one? Not open. Finally decided that going home and suffering sans diagnosis was better than passing out in front of the H&M on Post Street, so I caught a cab home, hitting my bed at 9:30 a.m.

I hurt. Everywhere. Well, actually, just my spine, but from the base of it up to the base of my skull, with attendant steel bands wrapping around to the front of my head. My lymph nodes are swollen, as are my tonsils (so eating anything is fun. Viva la smoothies!). In spite of that, I have no fever (not even when I'm sweating), and there's no white spots anywhere in my mouth. The UC Diagnosis line I finally got to was baffled. I managed to get to the health foods store just down the way and load up on natural remedies, and one of my friends is going to run to Walgreen's for me when she gets home.

Guess what I still need to do, though? That's right, clean my house in prep for madre's arrival tomorrow. Pfeh. I might just do a couple loads of laundry, tidy up, vacuum, and call it quits.

A quiz I meant to post a few days ago.... )
e_juliana: (drinking skeleton)
Phew. Long weekend. Very long weekend. Need to not do that to myself so much. Damn. V. tired. Am like to falling down.

Plus, no rest tonight or tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going straight from work to the CalTrain depot to meet a friend from Minneapolis who now lives in LA who's working in Palo Alto this week - we're going to wander around South Beach and have dinner before he has to go back to work.

Tomorrow, I go straight from work to dinner with another friend and then we go see Cats. Why Cats? Because I won two free tickets from Theatre Bay Area. I wouldn't have gone to see it otherwise - I've never seen it, actually. Just didn't appeal. However, I am never one to turn down free theater, and since said friend is depressed, I figure it's good to get him out of the house.

Linky! The new X-Men 3 posters have been rolled out. Nummy Wolverine. And I want Jean Grey's outfit. Yes.

Right. 20 more minutes, then dinner. Then maybe karaoke. Possibly not. I am that tired. And that Random. Phew.
e_juliana: (raven)
Just in a "long, dark teatime of the soul" place.

Will post more if I get the energy/gumption to do so.


Sep. 8th, 2005 10:59 am
e_juliana: (Default)
First night on stage last night. Hoo-boy. A little rough, a little lacking in enough time, but good work was done. We're just wildly behind now.

This "5 hours of rehearsal per night" thing is killing me. I have no idea how the actors with full-time jobs are doing it. I can see the wear on their faces. Hopefully they'll be able to recover once we start previews.

The upcoming weekend will not be fun. Opening night of Hamlet on Friday. Dry tech, a 5-hour rehearsal, and a 20-mile run on Saturday. A 10 out of 12 on Sunday (10 hours of rehearsal in 12 hours). There will be NO going out next week - not until first preview on the 16th. Well, wait. There will be going out to see [livejournal.com profile] scrappylj, but that's it.

And now I have a sudden urge to hear the Pixies cover Once More, With Feeling. Weird.
e_juliana: (Default)


So, yes. The weekend. Not very exciting - Z & I slept through most of it. I did, however, run 18 miles, and I am here to tell you that there is a severe qualitative difference between 15 miles and 18. Severe. However, I bless whatever running gods there are for the treadmill, because no matter how long it took me to finish (I was running for 3 hours and 18 minutes, but the total time spent on the endeavour was quite a bit more), I finished. I bloody well finished. I can't do a long run like that on my own - the last time I ran more than 15 miles outside, I had Carl on the bike next to me yelling encouragement. When I tried it last year with Z following me in the truck, my knee/ITB forced me to give up at mile 12. The knee was screaming on Saturday, too, but not so bad that I had to quit. (It's not actually my knee, it's my ITB being way too tight, which makes the pain manifest in my knee. If it was an actual knee injury, I would have stopped long before.)

I do think this is my last marathon for a while. I came to a realization and acceptance on Saturday - the accident had further-reaching implications than I want to admit. I'm much slower to recover now - even for things as mundane as scratches, the healing time is elongated. I've already noted the insane amount of sleep I need, and Z says this also has increased since mid-November. Plus, my face keeps hurting. All of which adds up to the decision to drop mileage down once the marathon is over.

I was all set to turn my focus to capoeira and learn new skills, but the friend/instructor has sort of dropped off the face of the earth. Grumble. It's probably for the best time-wise, but I'm a little disappointed.

Auditions for The Rainmaker are tonight and tomorrow. Oy. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the people, but there's always some that are just painful to watch. At least this is cold readings and not monologues. Monologues can get interminable.


Aug. 12th, 2005 11:02 am
e_juliana: (b&w)
Last night was one of my monthly "in bed by 8 p.m., not up until 7 a.m." nights. I swear, I need an insane amount of sleep. I have a feeling that 10 hours per night every night could possibly be sufficient, but I don't have time for that.

We have a good weekend set up, I think. Z has a guest spot on Bring Me The Head Of Dominic Papatola tonight, after which we shall go see The Aristocrats. (Opening night, yay!) Saturday, I've got an 18-mile run, but there will be Fringe-y stuff interspersed around it. I hope, at least. Sunday, possibly the Farmer's Market and the closing show of The President, Once Removed.

checks Evite

Huh. Also looks like a going-away party on Sunday. Kewl. Well, I'm not happy about peeps moving away, but at least we'll get to see them before they go.

More thoughts as events warrant.
e_juliana: (fucked-up girl)
Wolfy McWolfenstein

Harry Potter Personality Quiz )

ION, it was an okay weekend. Friday was good, what with the hanging with Meesta P and the seeing of shows. Saturday was - meh. Sunday was even more meh, with the added joy of only being to complete half of my 17-mile run. Whee. There are pictures from the Guthrie closing night party, though.

I am tired. Frighteningly so. I don't know if it's because I'm a little depressed/upset, if I haven't eaten enough lately (a standard culprit), or if it's just impending PMS. Or good old sleep-dep. Any way, I just want to crawl under my desk and nap. Actually, I just want to take a taxi home and crawl into my own bed and sleeeeeeep.

Please don't change, please don't break
The only thing that seems to work at all is you
Please don't change, at all from me
To you, and you to me

Straight up, what did you hope to learn about here
If I were someone else, would this all fall apart
Strange, where were you, when we started this game,
I wish the real world, would just stop hassling me

e_juliana: (fucked-up girl)
Nothing major, really. Just a serious case of Short Timer's Syndrome. Not much to do and no motivation to do it.

Have been having problems with 1) getting enough calories into my maw and 2) vertigo. Went to the doctor, who drew blood for #1 (at least I've not gained any weight during this most recent eating mania) and told me that I have Benign Positional Vertigo for #2. I now have a scrip for PT for my inner ear, to get those wee stones back into place. Yippee.

Let's see, what else? I met Angela Bassett, Courtney B. Vance, and Reginald Vel Johnson last night. That rocked. Reggie is a big sweetie, Courtney is quite charming, and Angela is guh. So pretty. So nice. So tiny. It was cool. We have another Big Guthrie Shindig to go to tonight, which should be fun. This is, of course, after I run 8 miles. Don't wanna. Well, okay, do wanna, but will whine about it.

Speaking of running - prior to starting this traing program, I had had to reset my mental "standard run" thought processes, increasing the mileage up to 6 miles instead of 4 as well as increasing the tempo. Now, I have to reset the "standard run" mileage every two weeks, increasing every time. From 6, I'm now at 8. From 8, I go to 9, and then up to 10. Sheesh.

Oh! I also picked up Marvel 1602 at the used bookstore yesterday. So nice. I'm not a huge comic fan, and I tend to prefer the DCverse, but as it was written by Neil Gaiman and deals with one of my favorite periods of history, I had to own it. Mine, all mine....

Also, also - we saw Batman Begins on Friday night. It was precisely what I wanted it to be, and I'd like to see it again. (I loved the Blade Runner-esque visuals in some spots.)

Le weekend

Jun. 20th, 2005 12:50 pm
e_juliana: (hatehatehate)
Pretty much sucked ass. We had Streetcar Friday & Saturday, with parties after both nights. The shows were fine, and I finished both The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay and Pattern Recognition, so that didn't suck.

No, what sucked was feeling weak as a kitten all weekend, having to leave early Friday night because I was exhausted from losing 2 hours of sleep in the wee hours of Friday morning when Z came home drunk & called me to let him in because he had forgotten his keys, and having a panic/hysteria attack Saturday night during the party and having to leave early while trying to deal with people who didn't quite get what I was going through. Oh, and Father's Day yesterday, which is always a good time at our house.

So. Yippee. I'm just a bundle of cheer here today.

I'm also engaged in stuffing my face, since I'm tired of feeling so weak and so hungry. I've already gone far beyond what my usual daily intake is, and I'm still ravenous and headachey. I don't know what the hell is going on, but I'm fucking tired of it. I have a 9 mile run to do today, and I really need that exertion to clear all of this bad energy out.


Mar. 3rd, 2005 09:53 am
e_juliana: (fucked-up girl)
Damn, I am exhausted. I haven't the faintest idea why I am so wiped out, but I am and have been so for a while. Maybe it's March, maybe I've been pushing myself too hard. I don't know. (Although if I've been pushing myself too hard, this does not bode well for marathon training.)

Note to the general public: not every shopping experience in Minnesota has to be a mall. Yes, we've been a retail-driven economy for a while, but that doesn't mean everything has to be in a mall or a mall-like atmosphere. Given all of that, here's a neat article on skyway shopping in Minneapolis, mostly focused on the Investor's Building (which I travel through every workday).

Why I love the Manolo: the Manolo he is all, meh, the boat of the Manolo they do not float.

Saw Pericles last night. I find myself suffering from the same reticence that my authorial brethren tend to undergo when commenting on novels they have read. Twin Cities theater is a small community, and anything I put up on the Interweb may come back to haunt me. I did find the production to be a good one, but I do have some criticisms and problems with the execution. We shall see if I get over my shyness.

Last weekend of Measure For Measure. Le phew. It's been a wonderful experience, but I am ready for it to be done. Project-driven or ADHD? You decide. (Actually, I tend to think that the current mania for ADHD diagnoses reflect a larger shift in our culture than in our biology. If you think about it, a scattered focus would allow our hunting-and-gathering ancestors to be more likely to sense danger or an opportunity for food, much more than a single, narrow focus would. I'm no anthropologist or sociologist, so take what I have to say with a generous helping of salt. Given that, I think I'm on to something here.)

I am mentally floating the idea of going in for the general Guthrie auditions in mid-March. I would be more apt to if I actually had a decent headshot.

Finally, my maternal grandparents are celebrating their 60th anniversary today. Happy Anniversary, Grandma & Grandpa. I love you.


Nov. 9th, 2004 12:36 pm
e_juliana: (yes)


What herb are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Let's see, what else is going on?

I saw Helen Thomas speak on Friday. She was... impassioned. I quite enjoyed the talk, but about 50 people (out of 2,000) left during her remarks. Their loss. One of the women who organized the event (it was sort of a "rah-rah women" event) said that they had expected her to be more positive and talk about being a trail-blazer in the Washington press corps. I can't help but laugh and wonder exactly who they thought they were getting.

Inherit The Wind rehearsals have started. I'm trying to figure out when I can meet with my actor for Santaland Diaries.

Just trying to maintain my personal haven in the face of the national adversity.

To that end, I finally kicked my ass into running this morning, after an almost two-week hiatus. One of the hallmarks of my SAD is a week-long discombobulation following any sort of Daylight Savings adjustment. It can get nasty.

I swear, one of the best sights available in the Cities is the southwest corner of Lake of the Isles as sunrise makes its first beginnings. The midnight-blue giving way to coral sky reflected on the lake, with the Minneapolis skyline visible in the distance. So pretty.

Also speaking of pretty, we saw the Northern Lights on Sunday night!! Yay borealis!!! Zach had never seen them before, and I've missed them so. It was a pale-green curtain, just above the horizon. Lovely.

Still contemplating career moves. We shall see....
e_juliana: (kickass)
Okay, so I may have overloaded myself a bit. Wedding, show, and marathon, all within two months of each other. Whoops.

I've not been talking about the show that much, mostly because to do so would take energy away from it. I can talk about my running and the course and plot it all out, because that planning helps soothe me and focuses me on what needs to be done next. I gladly vent about wedding crap because, well, I can and it helps. But talking about a show I'm directing... it's hard. It's very hard, because it's a head-eating issue. I don't talk about things that are so close, because I don't want the separation. If I separate myself from the show, I will lose perspective (yes, I know how weird this sounds).

This show, MacBlank, is a whole new kettle of fish from my perspective, because we're workshopping this thing as we go and are expecting to have a final polished product at the end of it. We have the (young) playwright in residence, which has been valuable and difficult at the same time, and a few actors who Do Not respond well to flux. Specifically, I have an actor who challenges me on one thing Every. Single. Night. and pouts if he doesn't get his way. He's talented, but I've reached my limit.

Tonight, the producers and the stage manager and I are meeting an hour before rehearsal and making final cuts to the script, because the playwright can't make any more. She just can't. She's too close to the words, and understandably so. It is her baby. But my baby is the finished product, and I need to make sure that everything works: the timing, the running time, the jokes, the through-line, the blocking, the transitions. This is normally the time in the rehearsal process where I let the actors take over, but not this time. This time, I am taking total control over the show when we're two weeks out. Hopefully, I'll be able to release it again sometime next week, but this is a little scary to me.

Anyway. It'll be a great show. It's just a difficult process.
e_juliana: (stare)
I need a nap.

I did get up at 5:15 to go for a run. Go Team Me. It was a toss-up between another 45 minutes of sleep or the stress and pain relief that comes out of running. I'm still not sure I made the right choice, but at least I worked out today. And at least the huge pain in my chest has receded (I tend to knot up right around the sternum when I don't exercise for a while. First time it happened, I thought I was having a heart attack at the ripe old age of 20).

I'm about to leave the Cities to go to up to St. Cloud for Driving Miss Daisy tech. Joy. 1.5 hours up, 7 hours of tech, 1.5 hours home. Lather, rinse, repeat. At least they'll put me up Friday and Saturday nights. They're putting Zach up through Sunday, but I have this lovely job to come back to tomorrow.

I had forgotten how tired and needy I get during tech week. Unfun. I hope Zach can live with it. I wonder if he remembers. Forewarned, forearmed, and all that.

On the positive side, I purchased boots yesterday. On the negative side, it took me wearing them around the office to discover that they are actually too narrow for my feet. So, I shall exchange them on Friday for some boots that will not make my toeses go "OW!"

Moses supposes
His toeses are roses
But Moses supposes

Also, had rehearsal for the She Stoops To Conquer cutting that two of my friends will be performing for a fundraiser on Friday. I do like that show, and they interpret the language very well. Quite fun. I wish I could see it, but I'll be up in St. Cloud.

I'm trying to stay calm and send out peaceful and loving vibes to the world, but it normally turns into me wanting to crawl into a dark cave and collapse the entrance behind me. So, love, strength, and hugs to all who need it, and I'll catch you on the flip side.


Jan. 6th, 2004 07:58 pm
e_juliana: (Default)
Very tired. Haven't had time to post much, but there are thoughts in my head, wanting to get out.

But Tired.

So tired, that when I had finished preparing my dinner, turned, and promptly dropped the dinner on the floorm thereby breaking my lovely Pfaltzgraf plate and scattering the dinner all over the floor, I wasn't shocked or sad or even upset. I just shrugged and cleaned it up. Dude. It was food and Pfaltzgraf. Two of my favorite things.


Good night.
e_juliana: (Default)
I still have this damned cough. It's starting to piss me off, because I'm leery of running with it, but I Need To Run. I'm getting very nasty about not being able to run. But when I can't even get through my weight routine or a yoga session without coughing, the idea of running (especially outside) just doesn't seem like a wise one. Grump.

Party planning continues apace. A local gourmet bakery is donating a ton of baguettes and other party breads. Sally, Z, and I go shopping for the majority of foods tonight.

Problem is, I'm not sure I want to go to this party. I'm in full-on hermit mode, not even going out to karaoke. Part of it is the sickness, part of it is not wanting to spend money that could go toward gifts, and part of it is sheer cussedness. I'm not feeling anti-season or anything, I'm just anti-socializing. The Humans have become scary again, and I don't want to cope. So why am I in love with one of the most classically extroverted people I know? He gets upset if he has to spend more than 2 days at home, I get upset if I don't get serious time at home (with him there). This didn't work so well last time around, so I'm verra curious to see how we'll work it this time.

Work stuff - we're still up in there. It's been admitted that the 1/1/04 deadline is, to put it mildly, ridiculous. They've given us no other details since the official announcement. It appears that there won't be any layoffs, but I'm still searching for a new job. I'm working (and being compensated) far below my potential, and I'm tired of it.

Still about a month behind in Angel. Must to organize tapes and watch.

Z is impressed at my fortitude in waiting to go see Return Of The King. I assumed that we wouldn't get around to it until Christmas Day, as is the tradition with our people. I might watch the two previous ones before that, but I only have the theatrical releases. I'm banking on a gift set type of deal when RotK EE is released next year, and then I can get all of them at one fell swoop. This may be a bad plan. We'll see.


Dec. 9th, 2003 10:23 am
e_juliana: (stare)
No updates for four days. Must be a record for me.....

Not much to tell, though. Massive illness, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] bigpenguin (Z), poor thing. So ill that I'm going to the doc within 2 days of onset, and only because she didn't have an open appointment yesterday. That is a record for me.

Unfortunately, it's setting me even further behind in my training. Grump. I was thisclose to being the athlete I know I can be, and laziness and illness take me down a few pegs. Grump. What does not kill me makes me stronger, and all that.

Moving-in discussion continues apace. It does appear that moving in March to an entirely different apartment is the way to go, but things are still negotiable. Things are very good on the rest of the relationship front. Despite my inability to care for Z last week when he was laid low, he's been at my side as much as possible for the past few days. His latest show (12 Angry Men) opened last Friday, and it is wonderful. The critics seem to agree, which is always a Good Thing.

Work is meh, but it's work and insurance and a very steady paycheck. I'm holding on to that for all I'm worth right now.

The show that I'm running (Tuna Christmas) is going to be the death of me. Again, though, it's a paycheck. And really good guys to work with.

[livejournal.com profile] redwright and I are catering the big Theater Mafia Holiday Party, which goes off in, oh, a week and a half. Eeep. Neither of us have had time to draw up a final shopping list or contact peeps for donations. Guess I'm hitting the phones tomorrow. Luckily, the menu is "stuff as much protein and carbs in them as possible, so they don't get too drunk". Basic things like meatballs and veggies trays and lots of bread. Oh, and a ham that Sally's work gave her. Hee! Easy-peasy stuff, it's just the organising that's in our way right now.

I think that's all the happenings in The Life Of Juliana. Stay tuned for our next installment.....
e_juliana: (raven)
Buffy vamp quiz )

I'm thisclose to a homicidal rage this morning. Bloody Outlook "upgrade". Upgrade, my ass. Losing my preferences completely and making it impossible for any of my friends to email me is not an upgrade in my book.. Cow-orkers that won't. stop. talking. politics. aren't helping at all.

*Really* random and disjointed and memememe mutterings about class issues and whatnot..... )

Anyway. I'm tired, and diffusedly angry. Grrr. Aaargh.


Apr. 4th, 2003 02:08 pm
e_juliana: (Default)
Just snapped at my producer. Yes, they're setting up the photos late, but I shouldn't snap right now.

So. Tired. I have to work tonight at my retail job, and I Don't Want To. I'll be taking a leave of absence at the end of this month, but I don't know if I can last that long. One more thing I have to do, one more place to be.



e_juliana: (Default)

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