e_juliana | Two more days....

and then we open.

Tonight is our first preview, our first time in front of an actual audience. I sincerely hope tonight goes better than last night. I know other people had problems, and I damn near melted down. I was on the verge of tears in my second-to-last scene, all because of this stupid goddamn motherfucking Russian accent. My "a"'s are still too flat, too Midwestern, too CHICAGO. Fucking Chicago. My parents are from there, not me. Fucking accent.

So I hit the stage as Illya for the first time, and all I can think about is how I sound, and saying "Jezez" for "Jesus" and then I don't know what to do with my hands, and then it all starts going to hell. I completely blank on a line in a scene that I have down cold, that I've had down cold for over a week. I'm panicking, and I can't be heard in the audience. Also, my ankle is wicked twisted.

I Can't. Stop. Thinking.

I don't know. Maybe I should take a shot of tequila before I go on tonight. I've not gotten stage fright before, but I fear I may with this.

Z said the entire second act felt very technical, but the first act was great. I felt the same way about the second act (I thought I suc, but Illya is entirely second-act, so my impressions may not match with everyone else's. The costumes last night - aaaaaargh. Illya to Muse to Illya again is horrific. I asked the costumer to make the Muse costume step-in instead of over the head. That should help. I'm just too broad-shouldered and she made the gown too tight. It's about a half-size too small around my chest & shoulders. And then there's the wigs. Joy.

I need to find the fun. I need to sleep. I need to relax. Argh.