This article has succeeded in making me furious about something completely petty:Cads are all around us.
Among the offenses is the openly-expressed sentiment that the only guys that are any fun to have around are the ones who are "a man who acts with deliberate disregard for another's feelings."
Another quote: 'The cad is not an evil guy. I think of him more as a charmer, a bit of a rogue. And he's ultimately more fun than the self-involved 'new man' that we've had since Alan Alda."
Admittedly, there is often only a fine line between a healthy self-interest and deliberate disregard for others. But my god.
Leaving out the fact that any woman who displays the behavior described in the article would be labelled a royally self-centered bitch, why do we persist in believing the myth that genuinely good guys can't be a little wild as well? Why do we denigrate and/or dismiss males who will actually admit that a) they care, b) they are aware of their feelings, and c) they respect others and their feelings?
Question: How many attracted-to-women males on my friendslist have been told, at one point or another, "Oh, _____. You're such a great guy. Why can't I find a guy like you? Why don't you have a girlfriend? I can tell you anything
." High praise, surely. But cold comfort when the guy in question hasn't had a date in umpteen years.
So the guy gives up, one way or the other. He either decides that he'll never get a date, or he decides to become a "cad". And we lose.
Deb brought up a great point in Buffistas a while ago: There is no male counterpart to the book "Reviving Ophelia". Society assumes that boys will be fine, that boys can be broken and will recover with nary a scratch. Even my beloved John Mayer says so. Society is wrong.
So, anyone who ever deals with a "nice guy"? Tell them thank you. Anyone who's even remotely involved with a boy's development? Show them how to be fun and be a nice guy at the same time.
And for fuck's sake, let's stop applauding and praising the people who treat us like shit.
A-hem. Sorry. Apparently I'm wearing the crankypants today. Which is funny, 'cause I thought I had put on a skirt.
edit: Okay, I'm taking a frivolous piece a little too seriously. I admit it. But It's kind of a hot-button topic with me these days.
2nd edit: I know, I know. "Physician, heal thyself."