red hair and black leather

Went up to the Golden Haven Hot Springs Spa in Calistoga with debg, pix_kristin, and fashionista_35. Deb and Barb's generosity made it possible for me to go, and I am profoundly grateful for it. (Side note: I had never seen the words "Motel & Spa" used on the same sign before.) We all had spa treatments - I got a cheapy, the mini-facial, but it was still nice. The best bit was the mineral water pool and spa that was open to all the guests. The hot tub was lovely, but the pool.... oh my. It was bathtub-warm, and the water had so many minerals in it that I could float with minimal effort.

I'm not a good swimmer. I can do the old-lady frog kick, I can do the side stroke, and I can do the back stroke. Anything else - anything that requires my face going in the water - triggers a panic reflex in me. It took all I had to swim underwater for a paltry few seconds. Strange for a water sign, eh? However, in this water, I felt safer. I could allow myself to float on my back and do the minimum necessary to keep my face out of the water. I still couldn't relax all the way, but I could let myself be, for precious seconds at a time.

That's something I've not been able to do for almost four months now - let myself just be. Actually, probably longer, considering there were more than a few emotional storms all the way through 2005. I didn't quite accomplish it, and Sunday was majorly fraught (tears and everything! Yay!), but I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere.

~~~~~~

For the past 6 years, I watched the Oscars at my friend Karen's house. It's always a big to-do, with people dressing up and food competitions and trivia and prizes. It really hit me hard - the fact that I couldn't be there this year. It was a highlight of my year, every year. It kind of dovetailed with the fact that I'm starting to feel forgotten in MN and invisible here. I know people miss me there, and I know I have people here. But it's the larger slipping away & anonymity that I'm having problems with. And the loneliness. Hoo boy, the loneliness. Ouch.

I have a hard time letting go, this is true. I need to let go of MN and try to keep the friendships there at the same time. 'Tis hard.

~~~~~~

Need to be around normal people again. Must to get involved with a production, pref. one that doesn't take me forever and a day to get to, hence am limiting search to SF directly across the bay. Palo Alto v. nice, but rather far at 11 p.m. Have set up audition and have sent out resumes. Have contacted those whose names I have been given. Next step, volunteering at big theaters and at Theatre Bay Area events. Yes.

(And yes, I called theater people normal. You make your own normality, and mine involves being able to tell stories of actors launching baby dolls into the bassinet, and having said bassinet move two feet, and the hysterics that came after. "Regular" people understand that it's funny. Theater people understand that it's hilarious. I like being admired, but I miss being grokked.

~~~~~~

Thinking I should take a martial art. There's a hapkido dojo up the road from me - anyone have an opinion?

~~~~~~

The very pretty truejavachik lent me her copy of S1 Babylon 5. I'm having a hard time getting into it - it's very.... Trekky. I'll try a few more eps before I give up, though.

~~~~~~

I think I want all of them.

~~~~~~

Finally, a quiz! ( Who wants to live forever? )

So, I spent most of my weekend verging on a fugue state. I managed to get up and at 'em in time for Z's party, but really? I was like unto a zombie most of Saturday, and I slept for 20 out of the 24 hours on Sunday. After opening on Friday, I spent a good portion of the opening-night party fighting off the urge to cry. It just was - disheartening, how the entire cast seemed to avoid us. Those who showed up for the party on Saturday seemd to be in a better mood, so I guess some space was good.

I'm sad that I missed the chance to hand with a Chicago Buffista who was in town, and hope to see him and other Chicago-istas on July 4, if we all manage to converge on Wisconsin.


I still haven't run outside yet. I'm not in the mood to, I suppose. Plus, it's much easier when I don't have to worry about applying sunblock.


Auditions for Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical tonight. Yippee.....

My weekend was… fine. Good. Mostly uneventful, if cue-to-cue can be considered uneventful.

Friday, I worked out and then Z & I went to see the opening of Gremlin Theatre’s Wait Until Dark. It was good, the guy playing Roat was sufficiently creepy, and the set looked pretty damn cool. Z & I were both tired and spacey, so I guess we missed out on after-show partying. Oh, well.

Saturday, I did as close to nothing as I could let myself get away with. I worked out (5 miles, with the last 3 being hill work), I got my hair trimmed, we cleaned the apartment, I made oven-fried chicken and cornbread, and then we watched Ronin. I liked it up until the ending, which felt too pat. However, 2 hours of Jean Reno and Robert DeNiro being all slick-like is not unpleasant. J’adore Monsieur Reno. (Side note: I was mocking Frankenheimer during the ice skater sequence, wondering if he got someone as close to Katerina Witt as he could. Turns out it is actually Ms. Witt as the ice-skater. D'oh. I was fooled by the eyebrows.)

Sunday was cue to cue for Measure For Measure, which went surprisingly well. Z has added a 3-minute prologue in the club/brothel, which took about an hour to get down, but the rest of it clipped along. The time spent on the prologue was needed and not resented, but it is difficult to be grinding on a platform and then sprinting offstage for the better part of an hour (the sexysexy dancing is interrupted by a raid), not to mention the other two times I’m up in a cage, dancing. My quads are rather tired today. When we were done, Z & I schlepped home and passed out until he had to get and go to work (he owed a huge favor to the usual Sunday night manager). I stayed home and really didn’t do much of anything. Oh, yes. I re-dyed my hair, so now it is a bright burgundy (brighter on the roots, natch). I feel much better about it.

So, that was my weekend. My week will be consumed with Measure teach and previews, culminating in Friday night’s opening. If you’re in town, you might want to check out the show. It’s not the best of Shakespeare’s scripts, but there is some damn fine acting going on, and then there are the dancing girls. We’re very pretty.

Tonight, Z and I are going to the opening of Oedipus at the Guthrie. I have high hopes for this production. The buzz coming out of it is fantastic. I've actually never seen Oedipus performed. Isn't that a shame?

Tomorrow, we are going to Pigs Eye's production of Henry V. I am apprehensive about any interpretation of a favored epic in the tight performing space of the Cedar Riverside People's Center, but we shall see.

Sunday, we are going to Theatre de la Jeune Lune's The Miser. Everyone is telling us we must go see it, so off we go.

I'm excited about this weekend for two reasons - one, we'll be out and about. Secondly, two of the shows will be a most educational experience, and (most likely) in the best possible way. I've been awful about going to see shows, and my imagination and skills as a director have suffered for it.

I'm also very glad that I have no other obligations this weekend, so that I may sleep during the days. Well, there is possibly Gluek's tonight (depending on how long Oedipus goes), and we do have to meet some people at G0 on Saturday, but that won't be a chore since we'll already be out. Z does have rehearsal for Measure For Measure on Sunday, but I don't have to go. So, I can just sleeeeeeeep. Yay sleep!

(Hee!) Of course, my productivity only lasted as long as it took me to get into the office. However, I did run 4 miles (first run since the marathon!), did my weight-lifting routine for arms, and yoga'd all before 6:30 this morning. Go team lunacy!

I don't know what it is, but October almost always produces a sharp upswing in my general mood and energy levels. Perhaps it's pre-compensating for December. And January. And....

I'm starting to ramp up to my weekly maintenance exercise schedule of 4-7-7-4-long (those are lengths of runs), 3 weight sessions (2 arms, one general), and 4 or 5 yoga sessions. This week, I'm just running 4s and then 7 for long. Next week, 4-7-4-4-10, and then I should be good. Maybe. Hopefully. That is a lot of exercise with my schedule, but I'm hoping that the addition of a treadmill will help. It would be nice to not have to fully suit up on certain mornings. My logic for said schedule is that if I follow it, I'll be in killer shape by the end of the year. I want to see what that looks like, what that feels like. I remember being rail-thin last year, but that came about for not the most healthy reasons. Anyway.

So. The weekend was good. We already know about Friday night. Saturday, I just slept. Seriously. I got up, checked my email, and curled up on the futon until just before Zach came home from work. We then went to see Flags at Mixed Blood with Sally & Fred. It's a 'Jane Martin' script, and I tend not to like those (Jane Martin is widely believed to be a pseudonym, but it's not entirely clear who is hiding behind the name. It's not a woman, I can tell you that). 'Her' dialogue tends to be stilted and her characters one-dimensional. Flags is really no different. The premise is interesting - a son who is overdue for rotation home gets killed in Baghdad as he is cleaning up trash, and his family, naturally, is devastated. The father hangs the American flag that was found with his son upside down from the house flagpole, and his community reacts with outrage as his family gets torn apart emotionally. This scenario has potential to be a fascinating character and societal study, but it turns into a polemic against the State. War is bad. People are thoughtless. These are the anvils Jane Martin uses again and again. (Great, now I'm starting to write like her.)

The four of us did get to have dinner at Bar Abilene, which was fun. They have incredibly tasty food there.

Sunday, we cleaned in preparation for taking care of a 3 month old today. Well, that and we really needed to clean. Yeesh. There was also shopping, and my first-ever attempt at a white sauce. Unfortunately, the weevils had gotten into the white flour, so I had to use whole-wheat, and the texture was not one I liked. Zach did, though, so that's all right. We lounged, we watched some Simpsons, I went to bed... Very exciting.

Tonight, we will watch the infant while her mothers get work done, and then we will possibly go over to Fred & Sally's for the Packer game.

( Also, a quiz, ganked from ocvictor )

A quite nice one, actually.

Saturday, I ran my 10 miles and then stretched and stretched and lifted weights and stretched some more. Picked Zach up at the Market, and we ended up staying there and drinking until it was time to go home and change and go to the opening of MacBlank. The drinking was fun, but ultimately a bad idea, as I got the mother of all headaches from not eating enough. Le whoops.

MacBlank opened well, and people seemed to really enjoy it. Go Team Funny. There were some genuinely nice moments that came out, which was a pleasant surprise. It's always fun to see how the actors respond to an audience. After the show, Z & I went across the street for some food with a couple that we never get to spend time with. I do quite enjoy hanging out with them, but our schedules do not permit most of the time.

Sunday was Z's first Sunday off in ages, so we celebrated by ferociously sleeping in. Ahhh, luxury. When we finally got moving, we went over to the Como Zoo & Conservatory. I love city zoos (free!), but I worry about some of the larger animals. The enclosures are just a little too small for some of them, and while they've made a valiant effort to make the habitats look like habitats, there's only so much they can do on their budget. It's a valuable resource, though, and they are expanding and improving, so it will be good. They do have some animals the Minnesota Zoo does not have, such as giraffes. Every time we walked by the giraffes, I started doing the Eddie Izzard giraffe walk, and Zach would rant about evil giraffes. "I shall eat all the leaves on this tree, so the other giraffes wil go hungry. Mu ha. Mu ha. MuHAHAHA!" Yes, we are big dorks on occasion. I would be the bigger dork, but at least I can't quote the entire first 10 season of The Simpsons from memory.

We saw all the animals we could, including the sea lion show, and then wandered over to the Conservatory. The Conservatory does not have the funding problems that the Zoo has, and it shows. The place is gorgeous. I love spending time in the Arboretum, but the Japanese Garden my favorite. It's part of a joint project between St. Paul and Nagasaki, which led Zach and me to wonder what is representing Minnesota over there. A mall? A stadium? Food on a stick? Gangsters?

Once we had gotten our fill of the great outdoors, we wandered over to the mall to find shoes for Z, and then home for dinner. He then went off to rehearsal, and I went to see Ari Hoptman in the Fringe. Funny funny man, Ari is. I don't think this was his best work, but it was still a lot of fun. I had every intention of going to another show after Ari let out, but I ran into some friends on my way there and got sucked in to sitting at the Market and drinking (pattern, much?). We ended up staying there until it was time for karaoke, and then joining the karaoke table. Karaoke was fun, as it almost always is during Fringe. Lots of people are already in the area, so they stop on by and schmooze. A friend of mine who had had a difficult time accepting some of my recent choices finally came around again, which made me happy. I adore him in a very big sister-like fashion, and it made me sad to have a rift between us. So that was worked out, and we saw many people, and there was singing, and It Was Good.

I'm paying for the late night this morning, but it was worth it. I just can't do this often.

Wow, I've really not been updating much, have I? Whoops.

So, last weekend, I went up to Alexandria, which is where Zach has been since before I got back from Alaska. That's right, we haven't really occupied the same space for nigh on a month. No wonder I'm getting so freaky. Zach is up at Theatre l'Homme Dieu, performing as Lenny in Of Mice And Men (actually, it closed Sunday), and then directing Last Of The Red-Hot Lovers, which opens tomorrow night. Homme Dieu is amazing. It's like summer camp for actors. Actually, that's exactly what the St. Paul Pioneer Press called it. All they have to do up there is go to rehearsal and learn their lines and then go sit around the campfire. Verra nice, in a rustic sort of way. So, I was up the weekend of the 4th with some of the other spouses in which over $300 of illegal fireworks from North Dakota were set off), and then half of the small theatre Mafia descended on TlHD for Don and Tina's wedding last weekend.

The wedding was quite lovely. It was on the grounds of an oldold church that had been the main church for the area back in the late 1800's. Almost everyone was in some sort of Hawaiian print, the vows were touching and funny, and the first kiss as bride and groom was the kiss at the end of the song "There's A Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow". (It was much less cheesy than it sounds, honest. More goofy.) Then, everyone piled in cars and went to a picnic area about a mile away and we barbequed.

Most ovary ache-inducing moment: a couple of our friends - Lloyd and Lynn - have a two-year old boy named Lloyd (we call him Lloydlet). I first met him when he was 10 days old and they brought him to a party. He was a cheeky active monkey then, and he hasn't slowed down. He was right in the middle of the football toss game some of the guys had going, doing his best to catch the football that was as big as his torso. After a while, the guys got bored with football tossing and decided to play baseball with the football and the pinata stick (don't ask me why). Lloydlet was very determined to participate, so Zach scooped him up in his left arm and used his right arm to pitch. When the ball was tossed back to him, Zach would let it drop on the ground, hold Llyodlet by his ankles, and let the kid pick up the ball. It was kind of like the skill claw games you see in arcades, and possibly one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Oy. Ovaries aching all over the place.

After the BBQ, we all went to go see (or do) the show, and then there was much carousing. A good time was had by most people. There were some people whose got very drunk and decided that playing in the mud would be the best idea evah. Those people also had fun, but the people who had to clean the muddy people off did not have as much fun. Or so I hear. I was asleep by then, thankfully.



I go back up Friday morning, see Z's show, and then bring him home Saturday, just in time for my birthday party. It will be very nice to have both of us home.

Interesting weekend.

Actually, not really. There were performances and parties and the whole shebang, but meh. The ickiness that surrounded the production end of the show really cast a pall over the final performances. Interpersonal conflicts took care of the rest, mucking up the parties. I'm almost looking forward to Alaska now. At least I'll have a genetic reason to be cranky, instead of wondering why I choose to be around certain people. And I'll be able to sleep.

Friday night was mostly fine. The show was off, for a couple of reasons, but still fun. The party was hosted by a castmate and his fiancee, who is a dancer and just fun to be around. Every time I'm around her, I feel the need to go enroll in a modern dance class or summat. Anyway. But, there was still awkwardness with the producing company and with other people who showed up (who weren't supposed to!) and just... meh.

Saturday - again, the show was fine, but the party.... meh. I got to talk with women I like, but it was, again, the producing company and just Awkward. I did rest and run during the day, so that was good.

Sunday, I had coffee with Sally in the morning, and we drove around to look for spaces. I drove around for a while afterwards, as well, still searching for a possible theater space. Then home to read a script, picked up Z from work, and we went for a bike ride. Then... karaoke. Which I just shouldn't have gone to. It started out kind of icky, perked up when envoy was there, and ended kind of icky.

I started out the weekend thinking about how much has changed in a year and how happy I am, and I ended it by realizing how much damage has been done and how much still needs to be repaired. And how I have to do so much of said repairing, for whatever reasons. And you know what? I'm really tired. I'm tired of having to deal with the fallout, of flinching from the scars. I'm tired.

Fuck 'em all.

How is everyone?

As you may have noticed, we opened on Friday. A good time was had by all. We had a good-sized audience, envoy, (who I had just met on that Wednesday, and who is a lot of fun), was in attendance, as well as representatives from the three major papers (two dailies, one weekly). The cast and a good part of the audience trooped over to a house party afterwards, wherein the host entertained us on his guitar and we all sang along to such timeless classics as "Lake Street Whore". Good times.

I also managed to get a run in on Friday, thus allowing me to slack off for the rest of the weekend. Okay, I shouldn't have slacked, but I was tired, man....

Saturday? I did nothing. That's right, nothing. Nothing at all. And it was fan-freakin'-tastic. Well, okay, I had a show, but up until then? Nothing. I slept and read. Soooooooo nice.

I'm re-reading Neuromancer, and I continue to be fascinated by that book. Gibson did such a good job of world-building that I don't care that the plot is a pretty standard one. Also, it doesn't feel like the book is 20 years old. Most of the technology described is still just out of our reach, and still plausible. I wouldn't mind having mirrored insets like Molly's.

(Note: apologies for my choppy prose this morning. I stayed out a wee bit too late last night.)

(And now it is afternoon, because of silly stupid admin-thingys)

Anyhoo...

It was a sociable weekend, between opening, parties on Friday & Saturday, and karaoke on Sunday. Very sociable. I also managed to get to Target and purchase more organizing things for the apartment, so it will look like we actually live there instead of just squatting amongst our boxes.

I had other thoughts, but they are gone. Gone gone gone gone gone.

Oh, and if anyone is curious? Here's the link to the postcard photo for "Picasso". Like I said, an interesting photo shoot.

My weekend primarily consisted of moving and of cursing the tension/PMS that was making me slighly nauseated. Grumble.

However, I'm set to start sleeping at the new place tonight. Yay! I still have over half of my crap to move. Boo! But I have until the end of the month. Phew.


Fun things consisted of seeing Gremlin Theater's Orphans on Friday. It was upsetting that only 20 people showed up for their opening. Only 20 people showed up for American Buffalo that night, as well. I don't know what the hell is going on with independent theater in this town. We're turning in great shows, getting glowing reviews, and we can't get a fucking soul in the goddamn seats. Gah.

The other fun thing was going into the Star Tribune on Sunday for a photo of the "Small Theater Mafia": Fifty Foot Penguin Theater, Gremlin Theatre, Pigs Eye Theatre, and Starting Gate Productions. Graydon Royce, a local critic and an advocate for smaller theater, is doing an article on all of us. Hopefully, we'll get the front page of the Friday or Sunday Arts Section. I'll be sure to link when it shows up.


The new apartment is like something out of "Wild Kingdom". Damien (my cat) and Hank & Daisy (Zach's cats) are all puffery and hissing whenever they pass by each other. Of course, Damien is an absolute angel whenever I'm in the apartment: purring, rolling onto his back in view of the other cats, slinking by, etc. Zach informs me that this is not the case when I'm not there. Little shit. I hope they'll adjust soon. because I don't know how much more Z & I can take of 3 a.m. running fights. At least they're not allowed in the bedroom.....


Le job - le sigh. Am searching. Am uncertain. Am cranky.


Rehearsals are good. Everyone's have a lot of fun and laughing a lot, which is very important. Now I just need to memorize my lines. It's just that I have these HUGE chunks of text, and I know the flow, but the precise words aren't there. Dammit. The kissing is working well, though. Heh.


ION, ( this is frighteningly accurate... )