e_juliana | Le weekend, plus some

Went up to the Golden Haven Hot Springs Spa in Calistoga with

debg,

fashionista_35. Deb and Barb's generosity made it possible for me to go, and I am profoundly grateful for it. (Side note: I had never seen the words "Motel & Spa" used on the same sign before.) We all had spa treatments - I got a cheapy, the mini-facial, but it was still nice. The best bit was the mineral water pool and spa that was open to all the guests. The hot tub was lovely, but the pool.... oh my. It was bathtub-warm, and the water had so many minerals in it that I could float with minimal effort.

I'm not a good swimmer. I can do the old-lady frog kick, I can do the side stroke, and I can do the back stroke. Anything else - anything that requires my face going in the water - triggers a panic reflex in me. It took all I had to swim underwater for a paltry few seconds. Strange for a water sign, eh? However, in this water, I felt safer. I could allow myself to float on my back and do the minimum necessary to keep my face out of the water. I still couldn't relax all the way, but I could let myself be, for precious seconds at a time.

That's something I've not been able to do for almost four months now - let myself just be. Actually, probably longer, considering there were more than a few emotional storms all the way through 2005. I didn't quite accomplish it, and Sunday was majorly fraught (tears and everything! Yay!), but I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere.

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For the past 6 years, I watched the Oscars at my friend Karen's house. It's always a big to-do, with people dressing up and food competitions and trivia and prizes. It really hit me hard - the fact that I couldn't be there this year. It was a highlight of my year, every year. It kind of dovetailed with the fact that I'm starting to feel forgotten in MN and invisible here. I know people miss me there, and I know I have people here. But it's the larger slipping away & anonymity that I'm having problems with. And the loneliness. Hoo boy, the loneliness. Ouch.

I have a hard time letting go, this is true. I need to let go of MN and try to keep the friendships there at the same time. 'Tis hard.

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Need to be around normal people again. Must to get involved with a production, pref. one that doesn't take me forever and a day to get to, hence am limiting search to SF directly across the bay. Palo Alto v. nice, but rather far at 11 p.m. Have set up audition and have sent out resumes. Have contacted those whose names I have been given. Next step, volunteering at big theaters and at Theatre Bay Area events. Yes.

(And yes, I called theater people normal. You make your own normality, and mine involves being able to tell stories of actors launching baby dolls into the bassinet, and having said bassinet move two feet, and the hysterics that came after. "Regular" people understand that it's funny. Theater people understand that it's hilarious. I like being admired, but I miss being grokked.

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Thinking I should take a martial art. There's a hapkido dojo up the road from me - anyone have an opinion?

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The very pretty

truejavachik lent me her copy of S1 Babylon 5. I'm having a hard time getting into it - it's very.... Trekky. I'll try a few more eps before I give up, though.

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I think I want all of them.

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Finally, a quiz!
Duncan

You're most like Duncan, main character of the TV series and loyal to the end. You're not too old, but for your age you're very wise. You're also open-minded. You don't have much to do besides fight for your life and spend time with your friends, but that's enough to occupy someone's time!

Which Highlander Immortal Are You Most Like?
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