Hmmmm.

[e_juliana]

I'm sure most everyone on my flist knows the Chicks' first single off of Taking The Long Way, ""Not Ready To Make Nice". It's fantastic - defiant, unrepentant, a great response to those who tried to censor the Chicks in the wake of an offhand comment made by Natalie.

Part of me thinks that women are a little more likely to adore this song. As a rule, we're the ones taught to be the peacekeepers, to back down, to make things right, make sure everyone's happy. Personal ideals and comfort sacrificed for the good of the whole. But there are times when the other person is just fucking wrong, or abusive, or callous, and they're treating one without the respect one deserves. Odds are if the jackass is stood up to, they'll say "get over it", "it was just a joke", etc. That ain't right.

On a totally personal note, I wish this song had been released earlier. I wish I had had this song in 2004 - maybe I would have realized the abuse going on then. I definitely wish I had had this song this time last year. (Lord, how far I have come in 12 short months.)

I have this song now, though. And it is good. Very good. I still have a lot of anger over all of it - over getting fucked over, over making such an awful choice in 2004, over the sheer callousness of some people - and I'm realizing that it's okay to have that anger. It's okay to be mad as hell. Some really shitty things happened, and the wounds may never heal. That's okay, and it may even be helpful, it may help me avoid such situations in the future. The thought of anger as a positive emotion is a new one for me - my anger has tended toward the destructive and scary. But I am in no way ready to make nice, and that's okay.

Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice"
Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting.

I'm through with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
That she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over?

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting.

Comments

[debg.livejournal.com]

I'm in the "anger can be useful to me" camp, as you know. The older I get, the more I hear people around me saying that politesse is good and disagreement is bad, and it horrifies me, just one more little straw on the "am I the same species?" back of the social camel. I'm with Ms. Main, all the way.

Some of us were frantic about you last year at this time. Some of us saw the abuse for exactly what it was. But you weren't in any head space to accept what was going on, not if it was phrased that way. So we did the only thing we could, the enormous and varied crew of people who love you, and helped get you out.

It was all we could do.

[fufaraw]

::points up to what the amazingly smart lady said::

I'm glad you found this song.

I'm glad you found your anger--or found access, or self-permission to access your anger.

And I love that song, too, because of what it means to Natalie, because it's a great song, and for what it says to me.

[e-juliana.livejournal.com]

And I appreciate so much, you have no idea. Thank you.

[debg.livejournal.com]

Just reading my own post, it sounds unbelievably pompous - but it wasn't meant that way. Nor did I mean to make it sound as if "yeah, we know all". It's just so much easier to see it, when you aren't stuck in the middle of it yourself.

The son of a bitch is very fortunate to be alive right now.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Anger can be a very useful defensive weapon. If somebody's doing something you know is wrong, either to you, or in front of you, anger is the appropriate response, and not expressing that anger gives them tacit permission to keep doing it. Sometimes losing your temper is the only way to get someone to take you seriously, to see that what you're saying matters.

Sometimes anger gives you the energy and momentum to say the hard things that really need to be said, and to knock down structures that have blocked the truth for too long.

I'm glad your anger has helped you get free.

[redwright.livejournal.com]

Lordy ... Deb spoke for me. Again. I was and am so proud of you. XOXOXOXO

[dre-l.livejournal.com]

In the Go You! camp, and that time wounds all heels.