Hmmmm.

Dec. 28th, 2006 09:07 am
e_juliana: (phoenix rising)
I'm sure most everyone on my flist knows the Chicks' first single off of Taking The Long Way, ""Not Ready To Make Nice". It's fantastic - defiant, unrepentant, a great response to those who tried to censor the Chicks in the wake of an offhand comment made by Natalie.

Part of me thinks that women are a little more likely to adore this song. As a rule, we're the ones taught to be the peacekeepers, to back down, to make things right, make sure everyone's happy. Personal ideals and comfort sacrificed for the good of the whole. But there are times when the other person is just fucking wrong, or abusive, or callous, and they're treating one without the respect one deserves. Odds are if the jackass is stood up to, they'll say "get over it", "it was just a joke", etc. That ain't right.

On a totally personal note, I wish this song had been released earlier. I wish I had had this song in 2004 - maybe I would have realized the abuse going on then. I definitely wish I had had this song this time last year. (Lord, how far I have come in 12 short months.)

I have this song now, though. And it is good. Very good. I still have a lot of anger over all of it - over getting fucked over, over making such an awful choice in 2004, over the sheer callousness of some people - and I'm realizing that it's okay to have that anger. It's okay to be mad as hell. Some really shitty things happened, and the wounds may never heal. That's okay, and it may even be helpful, it may help me avoid such situations in the future. The thought of anger as a positive emotion is a new one for me - my anger has tended toward the destructive and scary. But I am in no way ready to make nice, and that's okay.

Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice"
Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting.

I'm through with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it.

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
That she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over?

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should.

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting.

Le weekend

Jun. 20th, 2005 12:50 pm
e_juliana: (hatehatehate)
Pretty much sucked ass. We had Streetcar Friday & Saturday, with parties after both nights. The shows were fine, and I finished both The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay and Pattern Recognition, so that didn't suck.

No, what sucked was feeling weak as a kitten all weekend, having to leave early Friday night because I was exhausted from losing 2 hours of sleep in the wee hours of Friday morning when Z came home drunk & called me to let him in because he had forgotten his keys, and having a panic/hysteria attack Saturday night during the party and having to leave early while trying to deal with people who didn't quite get what I was going through. Oh, and Father's Day yesterday, which is always a good time at our house.


So. Yippee. I'm just a bundle of cheer here today.

I'm also engaged in stuffing my face, since I'm tired of feeling so weak and so hungry. I've already gone far beyond what my usual daily intake is, and I'm still ravenous and headachey. I don't know what the hell is going on, but I'm fucking tired of it. I have a 9 mile run to do today, and I really need that exertion to clear all of this bad energy out.

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